From the Inside Out

I saw a something on Facebook tonight that made me stop and reminisce for a few minutes. The post asked people to “Tell me what God has done for you in 2009.” Of course, I could rattle off the standard responses: amazing spouse, loving family, rewarding career, true friends, and a church that I absolutely love. These blessings are more than I deserve, and I’m truly thankful for each and every one of them.

However, those things aren’t what made me pause when I read the statement. 2009 brought many challenges into my life. Unanswered questions, frustration, unfathomable stress, and intermittent health issues plagued me like never before. At times, it seemed like I was drowning, barely able to keep my head above water, but through it all I had a confidante, someone who was always standing by just waiting to be the source of strength that I needed. Through the good and the bad, He was always there. In fact, I can honestly say I’ve never felt closer to Him in my entire life.

Through the struggles of 2009, I somehow managed to develop a deeper, more intimate, more passionate relationship with God. It’s difficult to articulate. One of the only ways I can explain it is to say that I feel like I’m starving for Him. Maybe the feeling was initially born out of the desire to find the guidance I desperately needed during a stressful time in my life, but even afterwards it remains. The more I’m around Him, the more I want Him. His love overwhelms me. I can’t get enough, and I wish everyone could experience what I feel. It’s truly amazing. Some might even say life-changing.

I’d be lying if I said I was thankful for the challenges in my life. I’m not. I wish my job was easy. I wish I didn’t have ulcerative colitis. I wish I had answers to all of the questions floating around in my mind. I wish I knew God’s ultimate plan. Yes, I know that these challenges force me to grow, teach me to rely on Him instead of myself, and ultimately make me stronger. Even so, I don’t like them.

If I had to experience these challenges to get to this point in my relationship with God, then it was worth it. I know I still have a long way to go. He’s working on me, challenging me to change my priorities, which I’m finding is easy to say you’re going to do, but terribly difficult to actually do it. He’s also challenging me to do something more significant. I’m not exactly sure what it is yet, but I’m following Him in faith and anxiously awaiting His guidance as I look ahead to 2010.

It’s a horrendously long answer to what should have been a simple question. However, God changed me this year. He disrupted my life in a beautiful way, and I just couldn’t explain that in a 10-15 word comment on Facebook.

How about you? Think beyond the obvious, ask yourself what God has really done for you in 2009, and then take a few minutes to give Him thanks. It’s the best gift He could get during this Christmas season.

Sometimes I wish God gave everyone a blueprint for life when they were born. No, I don’t want every tiny detail planned out for me in advance. I enjoy the adventure of choosing my path and discovering what the future holds, but at the same time, I think a high level guide wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

You always hear people say that God has a plan for your life, that he is “birthing” something new and you just have to wait for it. The problem for me is that I want to know what the plan is right now. I’ve never been good at being patient and allowing others to do things for me. Maybe that’s what He’s trying to teach me, but it’s not an easy lesson to learn. It would make life so much easier if I simply had a blueprint to assure me that I was on the right path, making the right decisions, giving the correct answer to the plaguing questions in my life. Oh, what I wouldn’t give for an opportunity to have five minutes face-to-face with God to get a few quick answers!

Sure, you can pray about these things. I believe God can guide you to the correct decision, but sometimes I still question whether it’s God leading me down a certain path or my whether the decision has been sullied by my own personal desires and need for a quick answer. At times, it’s really difficult to distinguish between the two.

It’s certainly a struggle, and that’s where the blueprint would come in handy. Until then, I guess I just have to be patient…to wait on Him until I know the plan, until things become clear again. I hate waiting, but I heard from someone today that it’s a process — and we all know that processes take time. They can’t be rushed, and God won’t be rushed. He does things in His way in His own time. It may not make sense to me right now, but it does to Him.

Perhaps, in this case, it’s His way of telling me to slow down…stop…listen. I’m always moving so fast. I don’t want to wait for an answer. I’d rather figure it out myself and keep going, but the more I try to figure it out on my own, the more frustrated I become. I think it’s time for me to stop trying to figure it all out. It’s time to stop everything for a while and simply focus on Him.

I’m slowly learning to wait, learning to be patient, learning to trust….but there’s a sizeable part of me that still just wants to get a glimpse of the blueprint.

We lost two icons today — one was a music legend and the other a famous actress. Farrah Fawcett lost her three-year battle with anal cancer this morning.  She was 62. Her best-selling poster and “Charlie’s Angels” stardom made her one of the most famous faces in the world. Although her death was not surprising (her health had declined in recent months), it was sad to see another life snuffed out by cancer.

Today’s shocking news was the sudden death of Michael Jackson, the “king of pop.” At only 50 years old, he collapsed at his residence, suffering cardiac arrest. He died soon after at UCLA Medical Center. The exact cause of death is not yet known, but new sources are reporting that an autopsy will be conducted on Friday.

These deaths, along with the recent passing of Ed McMahon, serve as a not-so-subtle reminder that life is fragile, fleeting, and altogether precious. Every moment should be savored.

Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away. James 4:14 KJV

Times like these should force us stop and think about our priorities. There’s more to life than work, responsibilities, and duty — so much more! Take time to smell the flowers and gaze at the stars. Hug your family members and tell them you love them. You may not get another chance.

Life doesn’t come with guarantees. It’s a time limited offer — here today and gone tomorrow. Don’t miss out on its joys while you are still here. Try to make a difference, and be sure to develop a relationship with the first person you will meet when you pass to the other side. A friendship with Jesus not only makes this life amazing, but it continues onward through eternity. Don’t put it off. You never know what the next day may hold.

Those four words appeared on a poster above the desk of Fox Mulder, a character on the TV show The X-Files. Years later, the slogan became the title of the second feature film based on the popular series.

Four simple words, yet they sum up my feelings today. I may have weak moments and doubts, but I still want to believe. I want to believe that:

• all things work together for good
• there’s a reason for everything
• the “wilderness” period makes you stronger

It’s not easy to believe sometimes, especially when the past experience seems to say otherwise. That’s when faith enters the picture. Faith exists in the absence of proof. It sustains in the midst of the confusion and self-doubt. When answers don’t come freely, faith is still there.

“Are you scared?

MULDER: I know I should be but I’m not.

Do you know why?

MULDER: Because of the voice in my head. It’s telling me no harm will come to her, and that one day she’ll return.

Do you believe the voice?

MULDER: I want to believe.”

The voice in my head tells me to trust. It tells me things will work out exactly the way God has planned them as long as I follow His lead. Career battles, spiritual goals, personal evangelism, family, the future — I may not have all the answers, but that’s okay.

Do I believe the voice?

I want to believe.

Life has a funny way of showing us that we aren’t really in control. You may have the perfect plan, but something unexpected comes along and forces you to change that plan. Whether it’s a job change, a new bundle of “joy”, financial crisis, illness or something else, it seems that the road of life offers many twists and turns.

Some roads lead to exciting new adventures and others offer painful learning experiences. Case in point, a few years ago I would’ve never dreamed that I’d be writing and producing stage plays and comedy shows. On the career front, I never thought I’d be a technology marketing professional (I was originally an art major in college), but things change. Sometimes it’s for the better. Sometimes it’s neither good or bad, it’s just different than what you had planned.

One of the things I’ve realized through the years is that nothing in life is certain, except change. Without it, we can’t grow or mature. Change is not always pleasant, but it’s necessary. What’s important is how you respond to that change. You can let it break you or inspire you to become a better person — to have a second chance, to take a new path in life.

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better. King Whitney Jr.

We can’t control life or the changes it brings our way. Change is coming whether we like it or not. The best we can do is be prepared for it, embrace it and be flexible when the unexpected occurs. At the end of the day, it’s all part of God’s plan even though it may not be part of ours.