From the Inside Out

Those four words appeared on a poster above the desk of Fox Mulder, a character on the TV show The X-Files. Years later, the slogan became the title of the second feature film based on the popular series.

Four simple words, yet they sum up my feelings today. I may have weak moments and doubts, but I still want to believe. I want to believe that:

• all things work together for good
• there’s a reason for everything
• the “wilderness” period makes you stronger

It’s not easy to believe sometimes, especially when the past experience seems to say otherwise. That’s when faith enters the picture. Faith exists in the absence of proof. It sustains in the midst of the confusion and self-doubt. When answers don’t come freely, faith is still there.

“Are you scared?

MULDER: I know I should be but I’m not.

Do you know why?

MULDER: Because of the voice in my head. It’s telling me no harm will come to her, and that one day she’ll return.

Do you believe the voice?

MULDER: I want to believe.”

The voice in my head tells me to trust. It tells me things will work out exactly the way God has planned them as long as I follow His lead. Career battles, spiritual goals, personal evangelism, family, the future — I may not have all the answers, but that’s okay.

Do I believe the voice?

I want to believe.

Life has a funny way of showing us that we aren’t really in control. You may have the perfect plan, but something unexpected comes along and forces you to change that plan. Whether it’s a job change, a new bundle of “joy”, financial crisis, illness or something else, it seems that the road of life offers many twists and turns.

Some roads lead to exciting new adventures and others offer painful learning experiences. Case in point, a few years ago I would’ve never dreamed that I’d be writing and producing stage plays and comedy shows. On the career front, I never thought I’d be a technology marketing professional (I was originally an art major in college), but things change. Sometimes it’s for the better. Sometimes it’s neither good or bad, it’s just different than what you had planned.

One of the things I’ve realized through the years is that nothing in life is certain, except change. Without it, we can’t grow or mature. Change is not always pleasant, but it’s necessary. What’s important is how you respond to that change. You can let it break you or inspire you to become a better person — to have a second chance, to take a new path in life.

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better. King Whitney Jr.

We can’t control life or the changes it brings our way. Change is coming whether we like it or not. The best we can do is be prepared for it, embrace it and be flexible when the unexpected occurs. At the end of the day, it’s all part of God’s plan even though it may not be part of ours.

My birthday is coming up next month, and there’s a part of me that’s dreading it. Seriously, I can’t be this old. I still feel like I’m in my 20s. When I was younger, I thought I’d have everything figured out by this age — what a myth. The only thing you can be sure of when you get older is that you will be acutely aware of how much you don’t know.

Instead of dreading the future and all the uncertainty it holds, I’ve decided to embrace it. After all, there are some benefits to growing older. For example, every year that passes means I’m closer to retirement. You may laugh at that statement because I’m still relatively young, but I plan to retire early — 50 isn’t that far away. Before I know it the day will arrive, and it’s something to anticipate, not dread.

I received an email this week from a friend who retired a few years ago. She’s having the time of her life. She spent a month in Australia earlier this year and is planning to be in South Africa for almost 2 months in the Fall. Wow, isn’t that awesome? If I plan it right, that’s what the future has in store for me.

So, I’m changing my perspective and celebrating the digits being added to my age. Growing older simply means that I’m getting closer to achieving my career goals and moving to the next stage where I have the freedom to pursue my passions. What’s so bad about that?

On Father’s day, my church gave everyone a book written by Andy Stanley, “Choosing to Cheat: Who Wins When Family and Work Collide?.”  I read it the other day, and it hit home.  The author presents an interesting premise –- everybody has to cheat. 

Think about it.  All of us have several things that demand our attention.  Whether it’s our jobs, spouses, families, ministries or hobbies, all of these things battle for our attention.  None should be neglected, but there aren’t enough hours in the day to reach our full potential in all areas.  We must make tough decisions about what (or who) gets cheated.  In fact, the author suggests the issue isn’t whether people cheat; it’s where they cheat.

Andy believes that a collision between work and family is inevitable.  As a career professional in a highly demanding industry, I tend to agree.  Work/life balance is a huge issue in the workforce today.  Companies have taken tremendous strides to enable employees to regain that balance.  They provide the technology that allows them to work from home and maintain more flexible work hours, but the challenge still exists.  How do you excel in one area without cheating the others?  Sometimes it seems impossible.

I struggle with this issue often.  I want to move ahead in my career, but not at the expense of my personal life or relationship with God.  Unfortunately, I tend to follow the pattern outlined in the book –  I cheat at home.  I invest an inordinate amount of time, energy and passion in my work.  My friends and family get the leftovers. 

I talk about what I “wish” I could do if things were different, but I begrudgingly accept the fact that this is my life – for now.  I haven’t given up completely.  I try to limit my work life by investing more in personal activities.  However, it’s just added to my problems.  Now I have even more responsibilities, and I must cheat in other areas of my life to keep up with everything that’s on my plate.  At the end of the day, I’m exhausted and frustrated.  Even worse, as I began to read the book, I started to realize I am seriously cheating God. 

My personal devotions and prayer time have suffered greatly over the last couple of years.  I go to church feeling so thirsty and dry inside.  When I feel God’s presence, I bathe in it, soaking it up like my life depends upon it.  I think it’s because my daily encounters with Him are so limited these days.  He deserves more.  I can’t afford to cheat any longer.

I couldn’t have read this book at a better time.  As I embark on what will undoubtedly be the busiest (and most critical) months of my career, I can’t forget the real priorities in my life.  I must adjust my schedule to reflect what’s most important. 

Matthew 6:33 states, “Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”  I know it won’t be easy.  There’s a part of me that still says it’s impossible, but “nothing ventured, nothing gained.”  It’s worth trying.

Our Italian Greyhounds don’t take to the water naturally. Sure, if you throw them into it, their instincts will take over. They will swim, but they don’t like it.  It’s almost impossible to get them to jump in voluntarily, yet today we tried.

The dogs like to stand on the tanning platform in our pool. It only has a few inches of water so they don’t mind it.  For them, it’s like wading in the creek.  They refuse to leave this platform, though, no matter how much they would like to join us in the pool. 

Gary and I were playing in the middle of the pool today, and Joss wanted to join us. We tried to coax him to step off the platform and swim to us. He wanted it so badly, but he was frightened to take the first step. He would stretch one paw into the deep water, and then pull it back. We could have pushed him a bit to get him started, but it was important for him to take that first step. He needs to know that he can do it on his own. Of course, we would never let anything bad happen to him. The problem is he didn’t know that.

As we stood watching him decide whether to take the leap of faith, I was struck with a thought. Is this how we are with God sometimes?

He stands a few steps in front of us with outstretched arms. He wants us to trust Him, yet we are afraid. We don’t always realize that He’s in control. If we start to sink, He’ll catch us.  There’s no need to be afraid. He’s just waiting for us to take that first step, the leap of faith.  He’ll take care of the rest.