From the Inside Out

It’s day three of my flu saga.  I’m still running a high fever, but hopefully the antibiotics are going to start working soon.  I’m really tired of feeling like crap.  Plus, it’s tough to be coherent at work when you’re head is throbbing non-stop — at least I’m able to work from home.  I’m praying that I feel better tomorrow.  Thank God for Tylenol. 

Because I’m contagious, I had to cancel my plans for tonight (bachelorette party with the gals).  I didn’t want to make the bride-to-be sick.  Instead, I watched the season premiere of Lost.  It feels like it’s been a year since the last episode; it took me a while to get back into the story.  In true “Lost” fashion, the more they tell you, the more questions you have (i.e. “Oceanic Six”, why were there only six rescued?  How did Hurley get off the island if he went with Locke? Why isn’t Kate in jail? What happened to Jack to make him want to go back to the island?).  That’s the fun — and the frustration — of watching this show. 

The episode was entertaining even though it didn’t progress as fast as I had wanted.  I was hoping to see the “rescue crew” arrive, but it looks like that will happen next week instead.  There were a few touching moments when everyone learns about Charlie’s demise (poor Claire and Hurley) and when the group splits up with some choosing to go with Locke and others choosing to stay with Jack.  I was surprised to see Sawyer go with Locke…that’s not what I’d expected. 

All in all, it was a good premiere.   I’m looking forward to next week’s episode (along with my renewed health).

Today was “day two” of being sick.  I woke up with a fever of 101.5…ugh!  Since I never have fever that high, I decided to call in sick today and visit the doctor.  Apparently, I have a bacterial infection so I’m taking antibiotics now.  Hopefully, I’ll get back to normal soon.  I’m going to try to work tomorrow, so it will be a long day.  I’m hoping I won’t be too cranky.  It’s tough to think straight when you’re running a fever.

Gary is sick also.  He’s been sick for a while and is feeling worse today too.  So, we’re just having all sorts of fun right now.  At least we can be miserable together…haha!

Since my head is killing me, and I don’t have anything profound to say, it’s going to be a short blog tonight.  I hope everyone has a great day tomorrow.   

Tonight was a free night.  Choir practice was cancelled, so I had the night off.  I love it when you get a free night that you weren’t expecting — it’s like getting a small present.  So, what should I do with all that extra time in my schedule? 

Let’s see…I could check out the kickboxing class at LifeTime, go see a movie, hang out with friends I haven’t seen in a while, or catch up on errands.  All of those options would have been great.  Apparently, my body had other plans.

Instead of having fun on my night off, I’m sitting on the couch wallowing about in misery.  The cold/flu season is in full swing, and I just got inducted into its league of doom.  Sore throat, fever, chills, congestion — sounds like a NyQuil commercial, eh?  Oh well, I’m hoping it’ll pass quickly.  Say a prayer for me when you get a chance.  I need it, especially since I can’t take any time off this week (too busy).

Since I’m sick, I’m watching TV tonight.  First up, American Idol.  It had some pretty funny moments.  Paula was late, and when she arrived, she was acting a bit odd (too much alcohol on the plane perhaps?).  Ryan Seacrest became a temporary judge after criticizing Simon’s judging abilities (Paula took over his job as the interviewer).  But the best moment, hands down, was when the girl came down the escalator with her gold acceptance paper.  With passion, she declared, “I’m going to prove Simon wrong.  I will be America’s Next Top Model!”  Hmm….sorry…wrong show.

Afterwards, we watched “The Biggest Loser:  Couples”.  I love this show.  It’s amazing to see lives transformed by losing weight and eating healthier.  I always get great tips watching the show–the sugar thing tonight spoke to me.  I used to drink tons of soda, but now I’m down to one soda a day (yay).  The escalator contest between Jillian and Bob was a bit unfair.  I know Jillian is one of the toughest trainers alive, but she is still a woman and as such, has some disadvantages when going head-to-head against Bob.  Oh well, I don’t think she really wanted to choose the teams anyway — it would’ve been tough for her to pick some and reject the others. 

All right…that’s all from me tonight.  I’m going to sign off early and try to get some rest.

Little did I know it, but those five words would forever change my life.  Nineteen years ago today, Gary picked me up at my parents house for our first date — dinner and bowling.  At the time, I didn’t realize how important that date would be; I had no idea that one day this guy would become the most important man in my life. 

We met at church and knew each other a few months before going out on our first date.  Initially, I wasn’t too certain about it:  (1) we hung out with different groups of people, (2) he didn’t meet my typical profile (first blonde guy I ever went out with), and (3) by dating him, I would be breaking one of my cardinal rules of dating — no younger guys!  Okay, he was only 4 months younger than me, but still, it was a rule. 

Looking back, I’m really glad I broke that rule — and blondes are definitely better.  We’ve been married for fourteen years now, and I can honestly say that I’m more in love with him now than when we first got married.  He’s my best friend and one of the funniest, most talented people I know.  I don’t think he’s ever met a stranger, and I love that about him.  With Gary, every day is an adventure.  He even made bowling fun that night (and I’m not a big fan of the game). 

We’ve been together ever since.  Five years after that first date, we were married, and the rest is history. 

Who would have thought that one innocent night of bowling could lead to all that?  Not me, but I’m so glad it did.

Happy 19th “first date” anniversary, Gary! 

One of the things I’m good at is planning.  It comes naturally to me.  You have a goal, so you develop a strategy and tactics to accomplish that goal.  It’s simple.  It’s safe.  Sure, surprises may come up, but you deal with them along the way – as long as you have the plan, everything will be fine.

The problem comes when you begin to realize you may have to abandon the plan because it’s not working.  The long awaited thing you were hoping for just isn’t going to happen.  I’m sure you can relate.  It may not be the same set of circumstances that I’m facing, but in your life, there was probably a time when you realized a particular course of action wasn’t going to lead you anywhere.  Whether it was pursuing a member of the opposite sex who had no interest in you, trying to become a professional athlete, a prayer that just never seemed to get answered, realizing you weren’t going to get rich by selling Amway (or any other pyramid marketing product), you may have felt like it was time to give up on a certain goal.  But what happens when you do that?  Where do you go next?  What do you do when that thing you thought would be so right turned out to be wrong?

When I start doubting the plan, I turn to God — my strength, solace and compass.  Besides, just because one plan isn’t working, it doesn’t mean you can’t start again with a new plan.  As long as I’m following God’s will, I don’t usually mind a few twists and turns along the road. 

However, I feel frozen now at life’s metaphorical crossroads.  I’m not entirely certain that I should abandon the old plan, and I have no idea what the new plan should be.  It’s a strange place to be, a little frightening in fact because it doesn’t fit into my well planned life.  I know God has a plan.  The problem is that I just don’t know what it is yet. 

I really feel like God is trying to teach me something, to take me to a deeper relationship with Him.  I also feel like there’s a lesson in the struggle and frustration I’m experiencing during this transition, but right now the lesson is not entirely clear to me.  Hopefully, it will be one day.

During our church service this morning, I felt like God was asking me to step out and take a leap of faith, to follow Him even though I don’t know where He’s going.  Maybe it’s time to stop planning my life and let Him take the reins.  For better or worse, maybe it’s time to stop trying to be in control.  As a fiercely independent person, that’s not easy for me.  I’m not sure I’m ready, but maybe I need to relinquish control and follow Him blindly until the time is right and the next steps are revealed.  As the preacher (TF Tenney) said today, sometimes you have to “break up” to “break out”.   

My future may not turn out exactly the way I planned it, but that’s okay.  God has given me so many blessings in life that I really can’t complain.   I have the best husband in the world, an amazing family, supportive friends, and a loving church.  How can I ask for more?

So, here’s to the unknown future, a willing heart, blind faith, and a blank page ready to be written entirely by God’s hands.