From the Inside Out

Larry Niven states that “everything starts as somebody’s daydream.” Yet many people view daydreaming as an unproductive waste of time. I heartily disagree with their assessment. Daydreams inspire creativity. They also provide a relaxing escape, a “mini-vacation” of sorts where you can release your tensions.

According to an article on WebMD, psychologists estimate that we daydream for one-third to one-half of our waking hours, although a single daydream lasts only a few minutes. These short daydreams offer many benefits. Happy couples tend to daydream about each other when they are apart. This mental connection helps couples maintain their relationships. Daydreams can also help curb anxiety when dealing with conflict. Have you ever replayed an argument in your mind? Oftentimes, we go back and respond differently in our daydreams, playing the argument over and over again. According to the experts cited in the article, this type of daydream enables you to improve your effectiveness in dealing with the person in the future, and it reduces knee-jerk reactions.

Some experts even state that you can decode your daydreams to better understand your mindset and pinpoint needs that you may be neglecting. For example, if you daydream about winning American Idol, you may feel undervalued and desire recognition. If you daydream about a romantic situation, you may desire your significant other to be more attentive or you may be subconsciously mulling the traits you seek in your next partner. Those who daydream about quitting their jobs to become beach bums tend to be bored and desire new creative opportunities. Their “escape” dreams are triggers that something be missing in their lives.

I tend to daydream about the things I want to accomplish. I envision it happening and visualize how I will overcome the obstacles standing in my way. I truly believe these daydreams help me achieve my goals. Remember, “everything starts as somebody’s daydream.” Even the dramas that have been penned by my hand all started as daydreams. It’s like watching television — all I have to do is write it down as the scenes play out in my head.

I also have to admit that I have the “escape” dreams. I’m not sure what that says about me. I don’t think I’m bored. Maybe I am missing something, or maybe I simply want to escape from the stress and find a place where I can do the things I am passionate about, the things that enable me to use my creative skills. Or maybe I need professional help? Who knows?

The next time you daydream, don’t feel guilty about it. Indulge those dreams. You may actually be doing something incredibly healthy for your mind, and you may gain some insight into your deepest wants and needs.

To quote Aerosmith…dream on!

Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “You have nothing to fear, but fear itself.” Maybe this is the mantra that people should repeat over and over again in their heads before they attempt a task they fear. How many of you remember the television series, Fear Factor? It was a reality show where contestants had to face the things they feared in order to win a $50,000 cash prize.  I was always amazed that people would volunteer for the show. I watched them eat rotten eggs and pig brains. Some people even placed their heads in a box with live tarantulas and snakes. It’s insane, but what’s even more amazing is that — according to the statistics — these activities are feared less than public speaking!

Personally, I can relate to this feeling. The thought of speaking in front of a group used to paralyze me with fear. It was odd. I could stand on stage and act in front of hundreds of people, but when I had to give a presentation, a sense of dread (and sometimes panic) would take hold.

For many people, public speaking can cause great anxiety — the heart begins to beat rapidly, mouth goes dry and voice begins to shake. It’s not pretty. Those of us who have experienced these feelings can easily understand why people don’t want to go through that type of an ordeal again.

The good news is that you can overcome it. I now speak in front of large groups at industry conferences and make regular presentations during the course of my work week. The dread and anxiety are gone — and most of the time, I really enjoy the experience.

If you struggle with a fear of public speaking, here are 5 steps to help you silence your fears forever:

• Always Be Prepared: Advance preparation can help you overcome nervousness when speaking to groups. It doesn’t matter if it’s a presentation to your boss or a keynote speech in front of hundreds, being well prepared can help you feel more relaxed and confident. You don’t need to script every word, but you should have a general outline of the facts and the key points you want to make. You should also take the time to research your audience and understand their needs. This helps you avoid questions you can’t answer and ensures that your content will be appropriate for your audience. By covering all the bases, you can increase you chances of success and minimize many of the common failures and mistakes that are typically made during presentations.

• Practice Makes Perfect: This is a mistake that many people tend to make. Many corporate executives and political candidates hire speaking coaches to help them prepare for important speeches and presentations. They don’t just show up one day and speak. They have fine tuned the presentation by practicing it many times before they give it. The more you practice, the more confident you will become. A few helpful tips for practicing are:
  • say the speech out loud
  • look into a mirror to see how you look when speaking — watch for distracting gestures and be sure you have a pleasant expression
  • use a tape recorder or video camera to study how you sound
  • practice with a friendly audience like your friends or family — it’s one of the best ways to simulate the experience of speaking in front of a live audience

• Embrace Your Audience, Don’t Fear Them: By now you’ve probably heard the various approaches for reducing your fear of the audience. The most popular approach is to visualize everyone naked or in clown suits. To be completely honest, that never worked for me. I don’t want to look out and see a room full of naked people. It’s not comforting - it’s gross. And, I’ve always thought clowns were a bit creepy.  As a result, I prefer to use the positive approach. Almost everyone in the audience wants to hear what you have to say - that’s why they showed up. They want you to do a good job, and they want you to succeed. You just have to realize that the audience is usually on your side. When you can think of the audience in a more positive manner, it’s easier to speak to them, and becomes more like talking with your friends.

• Join a Speaking Club: Organizations like Toastmasters International can help you overcome your fear by letting you practice in a non-threatening and supportive environment. Toastmasters will teach you the tools to become a skilled speaker. It’s time well spent. You won’t regret it.

• Relax Before Speaking: Before going on stage, take a few deep breaths to calm your nerves. At this point, you should smile and have fun.  If you’ve followed these steps, then you’ve already done the hard work. It’s your time to shine. Just step up to the plate and hit that home run, you earned it!

When you face your fears, you grow stronger. Eventually, you will look back and wonder what you were so scared about in the first place.  Simply follow these steps.  It won’t be long before you achieve your goal of pain-free speaking, and then you can honestly say that fear is not a factor for you.