From the Inside Out

On Father’s day, my church gave everyone a book written by Andy Stanley, “Choosing to Cheat: Who Wins When Family and Work Collide?.”  I read it the other day, and it hit home.  The author presents an interesting premise –- everybody has to cheat. 

Think about it.  All of us have several things that demand our attention.  Whether it’s our jobs, spouses, families, ministries or hobbies, all of these things battle for our attention.  None should be neglected, but there aren’t enough hours in the day to reach our full potential in all areas.  We must make tough decisions about what (or who) gets cheated.  In fact, the author suggests the issue isn’t whether people cheat; it’s where they cheat.

Andy believes that a collision between work and family is inevitable.  As a career professional in a highly demanding industry, I tend to agree.  Work/life balance is a huge issue in the workforce today.  Companies have taken tremendous strides to enable employees to regain that balance.  They provide the technology that allows them to work from home and maintain more flexible work hours, but the challenge still exists.  How do you excel in one area without cheating the others?  Sometimes it seems impossible.

I struggle with this issue often.  I want to move ahead in my career, but not at the expense of my personal life or relationship with God.  Unfortunately, I tend to follow the pattern outlined in the book –  I cheat at home.  I invest an inordinate amount of time, energy and passion in my work.  My friends and family get the leftovers. 

I talk about what I “wish” I could do if things were different, but I begrudgingly accept the fact that this is my life – for now.  I haven’t given up completely.  I try to limit my work life by investing more in personal activities.  However, it’s just added to my problems.  Now I have even more responsibilities, and I must cheat in other areas of my life to keep up with everything that’s on my plate.  At the end of the day, I’m exhausted and frustrated.  Even worse, as I began to read the book, I started to realize I am seriously cheating God. 

My personal devotions and prayer time have suffered greatly over the last couple of years.  I go to church feeling so thirsty and dry inside.  When I feel God’s presence, I bathe in it, soaking it up like my life depends upon it.  I think it’s because my daily encounters with Him are so limited these days.  He deserves more.  I can’t afford to cheat any longer.

I couldn’t have read this book at a better time.  As I embark on what will undoubtedly be the busiest (and most critical) months of my career, I can’t forget the real priorities in my life.  I must adjust my schedule to reflect what’s most important. 

Matthew 6:33 states, “Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”  I know it won’t be easy.  There’s a part of me that still says it’s impossible, but “nothing ventured, nothing gained.”  It’s worth trying.

In honor of Father’s day…

A dad is someone who
wants to catch you before you fall
but instead picks you up,
brushes you off,
and lets you try again.

A dad is someone who
wants to keep you from making mistakes
but instead lets you find your own way,
even though his heart breaks in silence
when you get hurt.

A dad is someone who
holds you when you cry,
scolds you when you break the rules,
shines with pride when you succeed,
and has faith in you even when you fail…

~By Susan Ceylise.~

I love you, Dad. Happy Father’s Day.

If you are married sans kids, it’s likely that you’ve been asked the “when are you having children” question hundreds (maybe thousands) of times. Some people will tell you having children is the best thing that ever happened to them. Others will say you are wise for waiting. So, who’s right?

According to Daniel Gilbert, a Harvard University psychology professor, introducing children into a marriage sends happiness into a downward spiral. Daniel claims that scientific and economic research shows that marriage is a constant source of joy — not children or money.

“Figures show that married people are in almost every way happier than unmarried people - whether they are single, divorced, cohabiting.”

“Married people live longer, married people earn more money per capita, married people have more sex and enjoy it more.”

Most people believe that children will make you happier, but Gilbert says happiness spikes when expecting a baby and declines immediately after childbirth. Moreover, according to the research, your happiness continues to decline each time you have a child.

“In reality … children do seem to increase happiness as long as you’re expecting them, but as soon as you have them, trouble sets in,” he said.

“People are extremely happy before they have children and then their happiness goes down, and it takes another big hit when kids reach adolescence.

“When does it come back to it’s original baseline? Oh, about the time the children grow up and go away.”

Explaining why the statistics conflicted with most people’s view of parenthood, Prof Gilbert made the unusual comparison to buying a pair of Armani socks.

“When people own Armani socks they can’t stop telling you they are the best socks, the most amazing socks,” he said.

“(But) I suspect that one of the reasons that people who own Armani socks think they are wonderful is because they have paid $85 for a pair.

“The psychologists tell us that we like things more when we pay for them - what does that sound like? It sounds like children. We pay for them in time, attention, blood, sweat and tears - what kind of idiots would we be to devote all of that to the rearing of our young if they’d didn’t bring us some happiness?”

The fact that parenthood crowded out all other things in life could explain why we considered children our greatest source of joy, he said.

“Parents tell me all the time that: `My child is my greatest source of joy’,” he said.

“My reply is that: `Yes, when you have one source of joy, it’s bound to be your greatest’.”

So, who’s telling the truth — the parents or Professor Gilbert and his research? Are parents simply brainwashed into thinking their lives are better? Are they denying reality?  Or, do children really make you more happy?

Sometimes, you receive news that makes you take a good hard look at your priorities.  I received an unexpected call today from a friend who told me that her mother had been diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer.  The early prognosis is not great, but they’ll learn more about her condition after additional tests later this week.  My prayers go out to her and her family during this difficult time. 

We are about the same age, and I shudder when I think “what if”.  What if the tables were turned?  How would I feel?  What would I do?  I’m one of those people who loves my family dearly, but I’m so bogged down with the demands of my daily life that I don’t see them much.  I guess I’m in denial.  I just want to believe that my parents will always be here for me, but the reality is that one day they will be gone.  One day, I may not be able to give them a big hug or say “I love you”. 

It’s times like these that makes you realize what’s really important in life.  It’s not the job, the activities, the cars, the money…it’s people…it’s your family.  For those who still have their parents and loved ones around, we should stop and let them know how much we love them.  Take some time off and spend it with them.  Who knows how much time you have left. 

Life is so fragile.  Nurture it, savor it and never take it for granted.