From the Inside Out

Our Italian Greyhounds don’t take to the water naturally. Sure, if you throw them into it, their instincts will take over. They will swim, but they don’t like it.  It’s almost impossible to get them to jump in voluntarily, yet today we tried.

The dogs like to stand on the tanning platform in our pool. It only has a few inches of water so they don’t mind it.  For them, it’s like wading in the creek.  They refuse to leave this platform, though, no matter how much they would like to join us in the pool. 

Gary and I were playing in the middle of the pool today, and Joss wanted to join us. We tried to coax him to step off the platform and swim to us. He wanted it so badly, but he was frightened to take the first step. He would stretch one paw into the deep water, and then pull it back. We could have pushed him a bit to get him started, but it was important for him to take that first step. He needs to know that he can do it on his own. Of course, we would never let anything bad happen to him. The problem is he didn’t know that.

As we stood watching him decide whether to take the leap of faith, I was struck with a thought. Is this how we are with God sometimes?

He stands a few steps in front of us with outstretched arms. He wants us to trust Him, yet we are afraid. We don’t always realize that He’s in control. If we start to sink, He’ll catch us.  There’s no need to be afraid. He’s just waiting for us to take that first step, the leap of faith.  He’ll take care of the rest.

Many non-believers have the unfortunate perception that those who follow Christ are weak and ignorant.  This has always bothered me.  As a fiercely independent, self-sufficient individual, I hate the notion that Christianity is simply a psychological crutch for those who need help or a security blanket for the insecure.

I’m not a follower because I need religion to survive, and I don’t consider myself to be one of the uneducated masses.  Most of the time, I think those implications are simply used by skeptics to intimidate and discredit Christians, effectively silencing their voices.

However, another thought struck me yesterday.  Which is worse:  (1) admitting that you are weak and you need help or (2) living in denial?  What if admitting that you can’t make it on your own is not a sign of weakness after all?  Think about it.  Is it easy to admit your life is not going the way you’d planned and you need help?  I think not.  It takes a strong person to make that confession and to take the steps to make a change.

Sometimes I watch a show called Intervention.  It’s a documentary that exposes the daily lives of drug addicts.  At the end of the show, the family participates in a last ditch effort to save the addict.  As you watch family members ask the addict whether they will get treatment, you can see how hard it is for the addict to make the decision.  They know they need help, but it’s too hard to change.  Living in mire and despair is easier than getting help and treatment.  It’s amazing how, in that moment when they make the decision to change, they are both weak and strong — weak in their addiction; strong in courage and hope.

Is it really any different for those who decide to become Christians?  We were lost, addicted to sin and bound by the flesh until someone came along and asked us to give it up in order to live a more fulfilling life.  It wasn’t easy to admit we needed help.  It wasn’t easy to change.  In fact, it was downright hard.  But in admitting our weakness, we found strength and courage – to live a full life, to withstand temptation, to become a better person.

So, that leads me back to my first question.  Are Christians weak?  Well, I’ll let you decide for yourself.  I think you know where I stand.  I’m not ashamed to admit that I need God.  If that makes me weak, then so be it.  At least I have the courage to get help and the fortitude to stand up for my beliefs. 

I was “not so gently” reminded today of how blessed I am.  Sure, my life isn’t perfect.  I work too much (case in point, I stopped working at midnight).  I take on too many extracurricular activities and struggle to keep up with all of them while trying to stay sane.  Moreover, I seldom have time to do the things I really enjoy. 

My responsibilities weigh heavy on my shoulders at times.  I can’t quit, and I am afraid of failure.  That’s why it’s so easy for me to become self-absorbed in my busy world.  I tend to focus on the unrealistic expectations I have for my life rather than reflecting on my blessings.  It seems that life has its way of numbing me to the point where it’s easy to take things for granted. 

There are times, though, when life throws a little surprise on your doorstep and forces you to pay attention.  Today was one of those days.  I have a friend whose life is being torn apart through no fault of her own.  Her struggles are brutal.  My problems pale in comparison.  I won’t share any details, but it was a surprise.

Sometimes life’s little surprises can be good.  Like when new parents who find out they are expecting a child (by the way, Greg and Katrina welcomed their baby into the world on Monday…congrats!).  Other times, the surprises can be painful.  Either way, it’s hard to embrace these surprises and learn from them.  For me, I am trying.  I am slowly learning not to take my life, my family, or my friends for granted. 

Remember to count your blessings now.  You might face sorrow when you wake up tomorrow.

One of the things I’m good at is planning.  It comes naturally to me.  You have a goal, so you develop a strategy and tactics to accomplish that goal.  It’s simple.  It’s safe.  Sure, surprises may come up, but you deal with them along the way – as long as you have the plan, everything will be fine.

The problem comes when you begin to realize you may have to abandon the plan because it’s not working.  The long awaited thing you were hoping for just isn’t going to happen.  I’m sure you can relate.  It may not be the same set of circumstances that I’m facing, but in your life, there was probably a time when you realized a particular course of action wasn’t going to lead you anywhere.  Whether it was pursuing a member of the opposite sex who had no interest in you, trying to become a professional athlete, a prayer that just never seemed to get answered, realizing you weren’t going to get rich by selling Amway (or any other pyramid marketing product), you may have felt like it was time to give up on a certain goal.  But what happens when you do that?  Where do you go next?  What do you do when that thing you thought would be so right turned out to be wrong?

When I start doubting the plan, I turn to God — my strength, solace and compass.  Besides, just because one plan isn’t working, it doesn’t mean you can’t start again with a new plan.  As long as I’m following God’s will, I don’t usually mind a few twists and turns along the road. 

However, I feel frozen now at life’s metaphorical crossroads.  I’m not entirely certain that I should abandon the old plan, and I have no idea what the new plan should be.  It’s a strange place to be, a little frightening in fact because it doesn’t fit into my well planned life.  I know God has a plan.  The problem is that I just don’t know what it is yet. 

I really feel like God is trying to teach me something, to take me to a deeper relationship with Him.  I also feel like there’s a lesson in the struggle and frustration I’m experiencing during this transition, but right now the lesson is not entirely clear to me.  Hopefully, it will be one day.

During our church service this morning, I felt like God was asking me to step out and take a leap of faith, to follow Him even though I don’t know where He’s going.  Maybe it’s time to stop planning my life and let Him take the reins.  For better or worse, maybe it’s time to stop trying to be in control.  As a fiercely independent person, that’s not easy for me.  I’m not sure I’m ready, but maybe I need to relinquish control and follow Him blindly until the time is right and the next steps are revealed.  As the preacher (TF Tenney) said today, sometimes you have to “break up” to “break out”.   

My future may not turn out exactly the way I planned it, but that’s okay.  God has given me so many blessings in life that I really can’t complain.   I have the best husband in the world, an amazing family, supportive friends, and a loving church.  How can I ask for more?

So, here’s to the unknown future, a willing heart, blind faith, and a blank page ready to be written entirely by God’s hands.