From the Inside Out

It’s easy to have faith when things are going your way. The good times don’t require much effort, but when life begins to fall apart, that’s when it gets tough. When prayers are left unanswered, when the pain doesn’t go away, when the future seems bleak and the world goes on without you, those are the times when the true test begins.

I like to think of myself as someone who can conquer any challenge as long as I put enough effort into it. That mindset has always served me well in life. It’s proven it to be true countless times, but over the years, I’ve also faced situations that no matter how hard I fought or how much effort I put into it, nothing changed. Tears, prayers, and pleas fell on deaf ears. Frustration ruled supreme.

I’ve sat through sermons where the preacher stirred the crowd into a frenzy by telling them all they needed was faith in God to make their dreams come true. Well, the truth is that it’s not true. God doesn’t promise everyone a rosy future. He doesn’t mislead us into thinking every problem will be solved by simple faith. In fact, Jesus stated that the rain falls on the just and the unjust alike.

At the same time, Jesus also told us that those with faith the grain of a mustard seed can move mountains. So, the problem comes when you garner that small seed of faith and still nothing happens. As the years go by and as more unmovable mountains appear, it’s hard to understand why they don’t move. It’s painful.

As I look to the Bible for guidance, I realize that sometimes people are left behind. It’s funny how preachers never seem to talk about those people. The ones who had to persevere and didn’t receive a happy, miraculous ending are forgotten. Those stories don’t seem to inspire the masses. Yet, they are the ones we should actually consider when going through a trial. For every person that Jesus healed, there were thousands who didn’t receive healing. For example, Jesus healed one man lying near the pools at Bethesda, but what about all of the others who were also lying nearby? Their situation remained the same. I don’t believe it meant they were unworthy, didn’t have faith, or their prayers were of less value. Even Paul suffered with an ailment that wouldn’t go away. It just goes to show that some situations must be endured whether you like it or not, whether you understand it or not, whether it’s fair or not.

I read once that “Faith is what happens when God does nothing.” It came to me at such a profound time in my life. I always felt that I had faith, but I never really had to prove it until God didn’t intervene. I’ll be honest, the first time it happened it threw me. It wouldn’t be the last time my foundation was shaken either. Since that time, I’ve had other situations that stunned me, that made me question. Sometimes God would intervene in my life, and other times, He wouldn’t. I’ll never understand why.

Maybe it’s the ultimate test of faith. I don’t know. What I do know is that, in those times, He walked with me every step of the way. Through every painful experience, every unchanged situation, He held me tight. He may not have sent the solution I wanted, but He was there. He listened to my cries. He came to me when I was lonely. He gave me comfort and strength to face another day. I wouldn’t have made it without Him.

Like those left behind at the pools of Bethesda when Jesus passed by, we may not get the answer for which we are praying, but it shouldn’t shake our faith or stop us from sending those prayers. The answer could come tomorrow, next year, or never. It’s not important. The most important thing is that He is here. He wants to help us through our difficult journeys. It doesn’t take much. Just utter a prayer, have simple faith, and He’ll show up.

Those four words appeared on a poster above the desk of Fox Mulder, a character on the TV show The X-Files. Years later, the slogan became the title of the second feature film based on the popular series.

Four simple words, yet they sum up my feelings today. I may have weak moments and doubts, but I still want to believe. I want to believe that:

• all things work together for good
• there’s a reason for everything
• the “wilderness” period makes you stronger

It’s not easy to believe sometimes, especially when the past experience seems to say otherwise. That’s when faith enters the picture. Faith exists in the absence of proof. It sustains in the midst of the confusion and self-doubt. When answers don’t come freely, faith is still there.

“Are you scared?

MULDER: I know I should be but I’m not.

Do you know why?

MULDER: Because of the voice in my head. It’s telling me no harm will come to her, and that one day she’ll return.

Do you believe the voice?

MULDER: I want to believe.”

The voice in my head tells me to trust. It tells me things will work out exactly the way God has planned them as long as I follow His lead. Career battles, spiritual goals, personal evangelism, family, the future — I may not have all the answers, but that’s okay.

Do I believe the voice?

I want to believe.

Why? It’s a question that everyone asks at some point during their lives. I’m not immune. I’ve uttered the question when things occurred in my life that I didn’t understand. There are many things I don’t get about life and why certain things happen (or don’t happen). Sometimes, I receive an answer; other times, I don’t. Sometimes, it takes years to understand why. Sometimes, an explanation never comes.

A few weeks ago, my pastor preached a message that spoke volumes to me. It was about how you don’t have to understand to believe. For example, I don’t understand exactly how planes fly, but I still get in them and trust them to take me safely to my destination. Even though there are many things I don’t understand, I can still trust that God has a divine plan.

At times, I may not certain where I’m going and why I’m going there, but He knows why. It’s the difficult times in life that define a person. It’s easy to follow when things are good, but the true test comes when you don’t understand — when you choose to trust in spite of your doubts, questions, and misgivings.

I may be standing in the dark now, but one day I’ll flip the switch. The light will come on, and the “why” will be revealed.

Until then, I choose to believe.