From the Inside Out

Those four words appeared on a poster above the desk of Fox Mulder, a character on the TV show The X-Files. Years later, the slogan became the title of the second feature film based on the popular series.

Four simple words, yet they sum up my feelings today. I may have weak moments and doubts, but I still want to believe. I want to believe that:

• all things work together for good
• there’s a reason for everything
• the “wilderness” period makes you stronger

It’s not easy to believe sometimes, especially when the past experience seems to say otherwise. That’s when faith enters the picture. Faith exists in the absence of proof. It sustains in the midst of the confusion and self-doubt. When answers don’t come freely, faith is still there.

“Are you scared?

MULDER: I know I should be but I’m not.

Do you know why?

MULDER: Because of the voice in my head. It’s telling me no harm will come to her, and that one day she’ll return.

Do you believe the voice?

MULDER: I want to believe.”

The voice in my head tells me to trust. It tells me things will work out exactly the way God has planned them as long as I follow His lead. Career battles, spiritual goals, personal evangelism, family, the future — I may not have all the answers, but that’s okay.

Do I believe the voice?

I want to believe.

Why? It’s a question that everyone asks at some point during their lives. I’m not immune. I’ve uttered the question when things occurred in my life that I didn’t understand. There are many things I don’t get about life and why certain things happen (or don’t happen). Sometimes, I receive an answer; other times, I don’t. Sometimes, it takes years to understand why. Sometimes, an explanation never comes.

A few weeks ago, my pastor preached a message that spoke volumes to me. It was about how you don’t have to understand to believe. For example, I don’t understand exactly how planes fly, but I still get in them and trust them to take me safely to my destination. Even though there are many things I don’t understand, I can still trust that God has a divine plan.

At times, I may not certain where I’m going and why I’m going there, but He knows why. It’s the difficult times in life that define a person. It’s easy to follow when things are good, but the true test comes when you don’t understand — when you choose to trust in spite of your doubts, questions, and misgivings.

I may be standing in the dark now, but one day I’ll flip the switch. The light will come on, and the “why” will be revealed.

Until then, I choose to believe.